I'm very sleepy today. However, I have developed a new hyperfixation! Origami. I have made a plethora of things in a few hours. 10 butterflies, a puppy face, a fox, a matsu box, and a flying heart, along with around 5 little stars. I think I have developed this website and the origami hyperfixation as a sort of subconscious way to try to combat my burnout, but it isn't really working. I think it's making it worse because I feel empty when I'm not doing one of the two. My school library has a cart of free books that they're getting rid of, and I just grabbed 2 copies of Webster's Dictionary. One of them is the modern English dictionary, and one of them is the college edition of random house dictionary. I just got out of choir class, which went well. I'm in my school's audition choir (which is the most advanced), and I have been in it since my freshman year. I am at lunch right now, not eating so that I can code (and because I'm not hungry), and I have ceramics after this. I have mixed feelings on ceramics. Some days, I like it. Some days, I find it boring. I have a feeling that it's going to be a boring day, but we will see if it plays out otherwise. I'm also doing this at lunch because it's the only time I can use my personal laptop. I have work after school, and I'm not looking forward to it. Today is my last shift with the current assistant manager (he is quitting), and I am just feeling burnt out in general so that is the main factor. Not to mention, it is insanely cold outside, at least where I live, and I walk to school. My hands hurt so bad when I got inside, my forehead was all stiff, my hair was messed up, and my legs got all itchy because they were getting warmer (which I hate the feeling of). Anyway, lunch ends in around 13 minutes, and I'm not excited. I sit in the library for lunch because it is relaxing and quiet, but there are a lot of students who come in here for some reason just to sit with their friends and talk anyway, which is very annoying, and it utterly vexes me. Oh well, I suppose I have earbuds for a reason. Speaking of technology, I have to make sure to charge my phone during ceramics, or it will be dead while I'm at work. I would charge it now, but I'm charging my laptop so that I can work on this site. I suppose sometimes we have to make decisions and detours, but it will all end up working out. I'm going to leave it at this for now and probably watch some YouTube until lunch is over. Until I return, have this quote that is some of the only lyricism I have actually gotten full-body chills from;
"O, what a moving expansion of space, with a meaningful range of repression in grace," - Joe Hawley, 2016
I don't have the energy to work on the site today. Hope anyone who reads this is having a good day so far. Here's another quote from the same song;
"Stromboli puppetry; have a cigar — Señor Freud, you remember; guitars are guitars," - Joe Hawley, 2016
Good morning, all. Today, I'm feeling strange. Yesterday, I made a lot more origami. A LOT more. And today, I figured out a way to put designs on the butterfly wings before I fold them. I have gotten a lot better at the butterflies, I think I mastered them. I have work today, which I'm not really looking forward to. My school has this stupid thing called flex classes where you essentially choose a class to go to between your first and second class and work on stuff. Some are study halls, but some aren't. I wanted to go to the normal flex that I go to, but it wasn't available, so I chose ceramics. The ceramics flex is not a study hall, it's only to work on stuff in the teacher's classes (ceramics, careers in art, and something else idk). So, I'm currently writing this and hoping she doesn't say anything. I don't like disobeying the rules of nice teachers, but this period is literally my only time to decompress during the day, bar lunchtime. Oh, and I didn't mention, once you choose your flex periods at the beginning of the week, it's really tedious to change them, and you can't do so the day of. Horrible. Just give me a study hall period. It's better than whatever the hell this is. I hate my school. Not school in general, it's an okay concept, but just specifically my school. Anyway, I don't want to go to work, and I'll keep complaining about it. I'm not sure what to talk about today other than complaining, so I guess I'll do that with the little time I have. I suppose I have roughly 33 minutes to do so. One gripe I have about today is that I couldn't for the life of my find my earbuds. That really upset me. I had to borrow my little brother's wired headphones, which have horrendous quality. Not very happy about that. I'm going to try to figure out how to add a guestbook to the site, because I've seen other sites with one, and it looks cool. So, I suppose you could anticipate that. Though, I doubt anyone truly reads these. Everyone nowadays has too short of an attention span to read a short paragraph, let alone a block of text that would qualify as quite a few. And that's coming from someone with ADHD. But that's alright, no one needs to read them anyway. These are just to get things out of my head. I'm sorry if that last bit upset anyone, I don't mean to be harsh, but I'm known for being quite blunt when it comes to my thoughts. I'm going to work on the site for a bit, but until I write again, have this quote;
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference," - The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost, 1915
I'm back, just to give an update. Sorry if the site is a bit broken right now, trying to figure out my CSS. On other notes, I feel very burnt out and horrible. So yay. Also, nevermind, I fixed the CSS. I don't want to go to ceramics for some reason. Just not feeling it. I hate burnout, and my school has this stupid system where you have to schedule an appointment to even talk to your counselor. Her next opening is in like 2 months. It's so stupid. Counselors used to be able to help you through things, but I guess mental health doesn't really matter anymore, does it? As long as you pass your classes and don't act out in class, they don't care how you feel. If you're sleeping, then it's your fault, and you should have gotten more sleep last night. If your head is down, or you're doing something that isn't actively staring at the teacher while they talk, then you're being defiant and need to pay attention, no mind to the fact that you're burnt out and physically can't take in any more information.
Today, I cried during gym class. I had to write an essay in AP English Language and Composition (along with a multiple choice quiz), and run the pacer. I have a choir concert tonight. I'm just happy that I don't have work. I might have to quit. I don't think I'm going to work on the site today.
"Miss Melody stopped appearing on a Monday..." - edu, 2019